Start blogging huh? Just like that? It seems like everyone else has is all together, but we've all got to start somewhere right? I guess I'll start with why I'm even starting a blog in the first place. 


Somewhat recently I was added (by some friends) to some facebook mommy groups- the kind where you share questions, thoughts or anything interesting really- it seems like a great idea for support, especially for first time moms. It was totally flattering to be included and nice to be able to contribute. 


But then the honeymoon wore off and I started to find myself getting aggrevated and irritated whenever there were new postings. One mommy group was so large that there were several new posts a minute- I could hardly keep up.


It was hard to read about all the little things these parents were worrying about and it hit home for me how much I didn't feel like I had anything in common with them. I have a son who has been diagnosed with moderate-severe autism, and in that specific group (well, actually with all of them) it seems like no one else has any problems associated with a kid with special needs. And while I face challenges with him, he's not my only kid- and I face the 'normal' stresses of my younger boys. 


Another group was focused on parenting styles that without realizing, they were in complete judgement of everyone around them. Not only were they discussing large issues such as vaccines, homoeopathy, chemicals, radiation in our environment- there were also huge discussions on breast feeding, cloth diapers, co-sleeping...etc. I use discussion very loosly because really it wasn't so much of a discussion- it was more like "do this or your a bad parent". Again, it hit home how much I didn't feel like I had anything in common with them. 


My hubby and I parent with the 'what ever works, at that time and feels right' philosophy. I've dabbled in pretty much every style of parenting (attachement, ferber, cloth diapers, disposables...etc) at one time or another- and I because of this- I accept that everyone has their own parenting style. If you want to turn off all your phones during the day because of radiation, or breast feed your baby until they are 3, or vaccinate... it's completely your choice. 
By now I'm realizing that these groups are offering more stress and frustration then comfort. After a post about how co-sleeping is 'better' for your children and ferberizing/CIO is traumatic to them- It actually was blatantly saying any other way is 'WRONG'-  I finally deleted myself from the lists. It's not that I agree or don't (We ferbered our first 2 and co slept with the youngest-mostly out of space issues) but it's the fact that all these posts or attitudes are so judgemental. 


Every mommy has their guilt, their times when they think "a GOOD mom wouldn't feel this way", or "I'm a bad mom because I don't do crafts", or what have you. It's enough that I am trying to be the best mom I can, and wrestle with my own doubts, then have to worry about what 500 other moms think about how I'm doing things. Or how the things I've done will cause trauma or are 'wrong'. 


So finally I wrote myself a mantra (I even wrote it down and taped it up on the wall) right after deleting myself from the groups and I've never felt better. I've found a good space for parenting, I'm becoming OK with the things that I have done, do, and don't do. My kids are loved, in a happy home, and are well taken care of. That's enough for me. 


Here's my mantra:
I will no longer allow myself any part of any discussion where there is judgement on any style of parenting. I am the parent I am, you are the parent you are. You are neither more right than me, or anyone else. We are all our own individuals, and thankfully our children will be too. 


And the reason I'm starting this blog is to hopefully have others get comfort and validation in themselves from reading this- as I have with other blogs. Maybe there are other Moms out there who think the same things as I do, and just need to hear it. I hope this helps.